The oldest of four, and the only one living over twenty-five kilometers away, it’s not far; I know, but it feels like another world when everyone has college or a job to go to, and us kids are reaching that point dreaded by every parent, moving day.
I try to spend as my time with my family as possible, I’ve never experienced that kind of genuine love anywhere else, and their support has been and still remains paramount in the next chapter of my life.
So much has changed and it’s all been incredibly recent and impossibly fast; that I haven’t really had a chance to process it. It wasn’t that long ago when my brother an I were playing Xbox games, or I was out in the countryside with my two sisters and our horses, all of us without a care in the world.
My youngest sister was still in school, my brother was in college, my eldest sister found work first, and I was in University, the past two years just feel like a blur, like everything has just been flipped on it’s head.
My youngest sister started college, and is in her first serious relationship, my brother got engaged and is having a baby with his fiancé, my eldest sister is also engaged, and I left university, started work and remain single.
As I stare through the looking glass almost as an outsider; into this strange parallel world, I ask myself, “What is their secret”?
I was always under the impression that as the oldest; everything was supposed to happen to me first, oh boy was I wrong! In a complete role reversal, I’m now learning from them. I simply asked my eldest sister, “How”?
She replayed, “You just know… When you get butterfly’s, you miss them when they leave the room, when you can actually feel a falling sensation inside you”.
Sweet, but as I’m not far off twenty-five, not hugely helpful.
Too many articles say that it’s impossible to find a relationship because everyone is only looking to hook-up, it can sound quite demoralizing at times, however research collected from dating app users say that more are looking for something serious, even the ones on Tinder, although I currently have Tinder; it hasn’t produced results, but is Tinder even relevant anymore?
Whether you want a serious relationship or not isn’t anyone’s business, both are perfectly acceptable, but to those writers distorting peoples hope to meet someone, stop telling us it’s impossible. There’s no magic potion or secret, that’s what my sister was trying to tell me.
Regardless of it’s relevance Tinder is the only place I can realistically set up a profile, because it’s the only mainstream app that has added Non-binary and Transgender options.
I’ve been out of the dating game for so long, I don’t think I actually know how to meet potential partners, although my sister regularly tries to set me up, I saw her tricks pretty quickly, she’ll try to disguise it as best as she can – a small get together with friends: but there’s someone she’s spoken to in advance, (we all had a friend like that at some point).
All the dating advice you can find online, “experts” with TV shows and the advice your friends in relationships give you, with patience, logic and a little tact can all be deduced to four points, and this is by far the best dating advice I’ve heard so far.
1. Let people know what your looking for, whether it be casual, or a serious relationship.
By being clear, telling potential dates what your looking for; you will effectively weed out the people who don’t share what you’re looking for from a relationship, if that makes someone swipe left, you don’t want the same things, and that’s fine.
Also saying things out loud is good practice for when you’re actually in a relationship, secrets are a killer when they come out.
2. Set standards.
Expect a decent first date. Something nicer than meeting up at a shots bar or “Netflix and chill”, (is that even a thing anymore?). It doesn’t have to be somewhere extravagant, (especially if you are in your early 20’s and probably broke from student loans or rent). Ideally, meet some place you can actually talk to each other.
Also don’t respond to behavior you don’t want repeated, if you hate it when someone only texts you after 11PM, then you reply, the texts will keep coming after 11PM, and if you feel like your date has wondering eyes, don’t let them get away with it. Say something, (partner training is a real thing).
Know what matters to you, and don’t accept anything less than what you want.
3. Be emotionally ready.
If your suffering with stress, or anything that inhibits your sense of solidity, you probably wont do as well in the dating game as you could, and it could possibly make you vulnerable to unwanted advances.
And most importantly:
4. Be you.
You have to be comfortable in your own skin, if your holding something back because you feel like your partner won’t like it, you’ll always have that worry in the back of your mind, and what kind of relationship is that?
If your confident in who you are, you’ll know that your partner loves the quirky things about you, and is genuinely into you.
I hope this advice works for you, I’m defiantly going to try it.