Stressed Out

A few weeks ago, I posted my first blog, a little introduction so everyone can get to know me.  I mentioned that I quit university one year into my three-year degree because I was bored. A decision I don’t regret, and it wasn’t that long ago, almost a year this summer.

I was twenty-two, I’d been in college for five years, university for one, by the forth year every passing week was becoming ever more monotonous; made worse by the shattering realization of being twenty-two and quickly running out of steam, in the prime of life; hurtling towards absolutely nothing.

I was a product of the 90’s, living a millennial’s life, it sucked.

I was having a crisis of the soul; weak, uninspired, and scared I was becoming too old to start again.  Desperately trying to find a spark, searching for an epiphany.  I had a few ideas about what I wanted to do for a career; glimmers of hope I would cling to, but no idea how to get there.

That feeling of being so terrified it creates a pit in your stomach is okay, and completely normal.

Jobless in college, trying to make a future for myself, I started a very small business, I have a passion for photography; everything I know about it is self-taught.  I grew up on that part of the world between the city and countryside, the part you drive through while switching between the two.  I had an amazing opportunity to hone my photography skills on the vibrant colors of nature and the rawness of concrete expanses.

I would stay out for hours taking photos, I made most of my money when there was a equestrian even on in the countryside, I’d be among the first people there taking photos of these majestic horses, and selling the photos to their proud owners.
That is now a side-gig, it was never going to take-off unless I could find a gallery or a professional photographer to mentor me, where I grew up that was extremely rare, and with photography becoming ever more accessible for everyone with smart-phone cameras instantly sharing a moment to social media, no one really needs a photographer anymore.

I’ve only ever had one summer job when I was nineteen, after quitting college I spent the gap in between that and my current job of seven months just drifting, constantly being nagged at by my parents and being turned down for every single job I applied for, both really drive a stake through any shred of hope.
After every job rejection, I had no choice to dust myself off and try again, eventually it worked.  The job I have now isn’t something I thought I’d ever do, I’m not saying I’ve found my dream career, but it’s given me so much more education, freedom and maturity than a lecture room and assignments could ever give me.

In no way am I saying you should ditch studying, if you know for sure it will take you to where you want to go, but there are a lot of people out there who feel pressured into higher education. College and University isn’t the be-all-and-end-all of life, no matter what your parents or media tells you.

For some people like myself, being surrounded by four walls in a room with thirty other people is stifling, to those people, don’t worry, there is another way.

The best education I ever had was being out in the real-world, learning as you go.

An open letter to my university teachers:

I’ve been studying business for around four years, when I chose to start the course it was because it was the lesser of many evils; I never saw myself taking it this far, but new opportunities never came; so, I stayed with the hope that things would change, and because I’ve been here so long; I can honestly say my heart just isn’t in it anymore.

For a while now; I’ve been feeling coldly indifferent; and beginning to have issues with my work, not in terms of delivery or grading; that has been faultless.  The problem is more personal; and I feel these issues have been hindering my ability to do the work.

I have reached a point where my work has started slipping; I believe I’ve hit the limit as to what I can get from this program.  I’ve been battling with the decision whether to leave or not, and with work plateauing, I’m taking it as a sign that it’s my time to leave.

Thankyou for bringing me this far.

B.Cayhill Version 1 (8)


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